I Am Not Yours
by TriangelleHeart
Summary: Alice has failed in the life of business and now terribly wants to return to Underland, but she worries she may not remember everyone if she goes down the rabbit hole. I suck at summaries. TarrantXAlice Rated M for violence, language, and non-explicit sex
1. Chapter 1

It had been nearly 3 years since Alice Kingsleigh had abandoned Underland to continue her father's legacy. Unfortunately, nothing good had come of her return to Upland. She had failed miserably in the life of a businesswoman and had returned to London to live with her mother.

Her mother had been rather lonely without either of her daughters, seeing as how Alice was attempting to trade with China, and Margaret was married to her sloth of a husband. Hence, Alice had decided to keep her mother company. After all, Alice was awful at her father's work, so why not live out the rest of her days helping her mother with her problem of loneliness?

Oh, how Alice desired to contact Underland! How she wished she could see everyone's faces again; Mirana, McTwisp, Mally, Thackery... Tarrant.

_Has Tarrant's madness devoured him completely? Is he alright? has he been having his tea every Brillig? Has he kept in contact with everyone else?_ Thoughts of The Hatter raced through Alice's mind._ Mind. Has Tarrant been out of his?_ Alice wonders what has happened to the mad man. She worries.

"Alice, are you alright? Alice, speak!" Helen Kingsleigh snaps at her daughter, who had been utterly lost in thought.

"I'm sorry?" Alice's eyes start meandering again, rather than staring at a window, unfocused.

Helen sighs and apologizes to Claude Williams, Alice's current suitor. "She can be a bit dazed, sometimes." Helen adds to the apology.

"Ah, it's quite alright! Everyone's mind wanders a bit! Perhaps you would like to take a stroll in the garden to clear your head, Alice?" Claude questions, giving Alice his 'charming' smile, which she absolutely _loathes_. His short, blonde hair waves slightly before his smile fades in response to Alice's reply.

"I'd rather not." Alice says, flatly.

Helen gasps yet again, and comments, "How rude! Alice, offer the man your arm and walk in the garden! There's no harm in that!"

Breathing heavily, Alice nearly shouts, "I have my_ own_ mind, thank you! I do not need any of these self-indulged men you insist on introducing me to! I do not_ want_ any of them! I do not want anyone! Actually, it does not irritate me quite so much that you introduce me to so many, but it truly drives me mad when you continuously invite them back! I am an independent woman, and I shall not be bothered with such things! Now you desire me to '_stroll_' with this... this_ imbecile_, as though we are a gleeful couple? No! No! I cannot_ bear_ any more of this. I can no longer continue this_ game_ of your's!" Awkward silence filled the outdoor air.

Claude simply looked aghast, and the astonishment in her mother's eyes was also filled with heart-break.

Finally, Alice began to run. Where she was running was the only place she could find solace: Underland.


	2. Chapter 2: Leap of Faith

**Author's Note: (CAUTION: Author's Note goes on and on and on with my talkative tendencies) Well, the first chapter was just a simple experiment, so it was quite short! However, I will try to make the next chapters longer, I promise! Though it's a little difficult to judge this, because it looks longer on my Pages program than on . I was very satisfied with the couple of reviews I've gotten, and they really motivated me to make the experiment a full story! In fact, special thanks to Niphuria for being so **_**incredibly**_** kind! If you don't want something tragic, bear with me! I have no idea where this is going! No IDEA! Sorry. Anyway, my tummy hurts as I am writing this, XD so it might be a bit off! And I couldn't sleep because of that stomach ache, so to add to it, I'm very tired. It's 2:41 A.M. right now. Again, sorry. Enjoy! By the way, when I write stories that can sometimes be a bit formal, I may mix up the tense in which they are. Sometimes it will be present, other times it will be past. Sorry about that! I am attempting to settle on past tense, though. Bear with me and enjoy!**

By the time Alice reached the tree she was searching for, her hair was windblown, and her face was a rather bright shade of red. She stumbled around the base of the tree to find the rabbit hole, a bit smaller than it had been the last time she'd seen it.

Alice was kneeling on the ground, ready to purposefully fall in the rabbit hole, when she thought, _What if I cannot remember them when I fall? I didn't recall Underland the last time I fell down, though I suppose I did remember much to begin with. Maybe she will keep her memory if she already possesses it. _

The sky was turning grey, and Alice knew it was about to rain. She didn't care. Clothing and hair did not matter to Alice at all. In fact, she_ wills_ it to rain, for her flowing, blue gown to be covered in mud.

_Last time, even though Alice had barely any memory of what she thought was a dream then, she still managed to be happy, to befriend everyone again! The worst scenario would be that she forgets everything she knows about Underland, and everyone helps her regain what she has lost! _Many contradicting thoughts clouded Alice's mind.

Alice was angry now, perhaps she would regret this later, regret leaving her mother all alone again. She knew she would do nothing but worry everyone if she left, but what else could she do? Alice was unhappy, depressed here. She was allowed happiness, right? Shouldn't she be? By giving herself happiness, she would be taking it away from her mother...

"Ugh! She can make her own happiness! I need my own happiness right now!" Alice exclaimed aloud.

_Tomorrow,_ she thinks,_ I shall contemplate whether or not to come back to Underland when my anger has subdued, when I am thinking clearly._

Decided on her plan, Alice began slowly trudging back to the estate.

Helen had moved to a slightly smaller estate when both her daughters had moved on with their lives, very close to a certain other home that was not quite fond of.

Nearing the edge of the woods, Alice almost tumbled to the ground upon walking straight into Claude Williams.

She regained her balance and greeted the despicable man. "Hello, Mr. Williams. I'm terribly sorry for my outburst, and I hope it does not affect your perspective of my mother. She seems to enjoy your company, though, just to be clear, I do not. So please, move aside so I may return home and apologize to my mother," Alice didn't dare make eye contact with this person. She despised him far too much to allow him that.

Claude pursed his lips. "Alice, I'm afraid I cannot do that. You see, my mother wants pretty, little grandchildren. I want a pretty, little wife. Your mother wants a pretty, little son-in-law. That can be me. We all want something, and it all comes down to you. What do you say? Will you be the one to give everyone what they want? You wouldn't want to disappoint your mother, now, would you?"

Ignoring the vile man completely, Alice started walking around him. Claude moved to block Alice and clutched her right wrist.

She struggled to free her arm. "Let me go! I have no interest in you!"

Claude clicked his tongue against his teeth three times. "Listen, sweetheart, we all seem rather impatient. I recommend you make your decision now, or I will make it for you. And, truly, you don't have a choice. I will not let you return home until you decide to give everyone what they want," he whispered in her ear.

Alice hesitated. "And what if 'home' isn't in the direction you are blocking me from going?" Alice asked flatly. She smirked. Then, having caught the man off his guard, she yanked her wrist free.

"What are you—" Claude began to speak and grab her again but was interrupted by Alice's fingernails swiping across his face.

With blood under her nails, Alice turned and ran. Again, she was running towards the rabbit hole. This was all the motivation she needed not to hesitate. No, she would not be waiting until tomorrow. It was urgent, now, that she go 'home.'

Just as she reached the rabbit hole, a strong pair of hands gripped her shoulders and pulled her back. She fall to the ground, tearing the hem of her dress in the process.

"How dare you, you despicable, insane girl!" Claude's warm breath came rapidly on Alice's neck.

"Let me go, you wretched bastard!" Alice's voice was muffled.

Claude chuckled slightly, and exclaimed, "What a naughty word, Alice! That's not very nice, you know."

Alice jerked her elbows and struggled, once again, to free herself. Finally, she scraped her heel against his ankle.

"Gah!" Claude released her, and he moved his hands to clutch his ankle, now missing a thin layer of skin.

Alice stood, closed her eyes tightly, and leaned into the rabbit hole, further and further until she was falling.


	3. Chapter 3: Break Me

**Author's Note: Sorry it's been so long when I don't even write very long chapters. I've just been so busy with school and whatnot. I just had to transfer schools, and it's been kind of chaotic. Plus I've had to deal with some drama started by people, which has really kind of depressed me. AND I've had writer's block, —probably because of all the drama junk— so even my free time has really just been spent reading, not writing. Again, sorry. Thanks to everyone who has added this story to their alert, added it to their favorites, and/or reviewed. It means a lot to me... Please enjoy! And also, please review. It makes me feel good when I get reviews and really motivates me to continue writing and update faster.**

Alice screamed as she dropped. Her stomach seemed to have stayed at the beginning of the fall, but still connected to her. Even when she knew nothing bad would come of this long fall, she couldn't help but scream at the top of her lungs. It was, well, frightening.

She rushed past various items, some giant, some the size of her hand. This seemed to go on for a few minutes, though she knew it was slightly less than a minute. She dodged these random things a bit better than last time.

Finally, Alice landed on vibrant, green grass with a_ thud_. She was surprised to find not a large, checkered room around her, but a bright, colorful forest. She wondered why it was different this time.

For a moment, Alice thought she heard another, deeper scream, though it quickly left her ears.

"Is it Alice?"

"Alice?"

"Has Alice returned?"

"It's Alice!"

"She's back!"

Many unusually large flowers, hummingbirds, dragonflies, and other creatures of Underland blurted out mentions of her arrival.

Alice picked herself up off the ground to find The Cheshire Cat's head floating a mere yard or two away.

"Chessur!" The sight of her friend kept away the thoughts of what had just happened in Upland for only a moment.

Alice bursted into tears when she remembered. Her face felt hot, and warm, salty water poured down her cheeks and, eventually, to her neckline, where her mother's necklace was nowhere to be found, probably lost in the struggle.

"Do not cry, dearest Alice," Chessur's deep, witty voice said, "You're back. That should be a rather joyous thought, certainly not something to shed tears over."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm just... sorry. I should have returned earlier," Alice replied to the Cheshire cat's attempt at comforting her.

Chessur sighed. "The important thing is that you came back at all." He said matter-of-factly.

This made Alice's sudden sobs stop for a second, but they soon returned. Alice had not cried in months, even though she was constantly saddened. She'd missed the residents of Underland so much...

Finally, between sobs, Alice managed to say, "Can... can... you t-take... me to see every...one?" Her words were choppy. "Pl-please?" She hiccuped.

"Yes, of course, Alice. Perhaps seeing everyone again will take your mind off whatever is troubling you."

Alice despised crying in front of many people. Embarrassed, she wiped away her tears. She hoped Chessur would take her to The Hatter first, but she did not want to look the way she did when she cried.

**********∂lice**********

Along the path, Alice gathered up the courage she had—with the definite possibility of hearing something she wouldn't enjoy—and asked, "Chessur, how long has it been in Underland since I left?" She kept her view on her feet, avoiding eye contact.

The Cheshire cat hesitated before replying, "It has been approximately seven years."

Eyes wide, Alice blurted, "_Seven years? _That's twice as long as it's been in Upland! So long." Alice nearly had a heart attack. How could it have been such a long time?

Eventually, after the awkward walk, Alice and the Cheshire cat reached the abandoned mill. There were no longer cups, spoons, tea pots, or sugar on the tables. Nothing at all was on them.

Directly across from Alice sat Tarrant Hightopp, The Mad Hatter. He was looking at Alice, but he did not truly see her. He did not want to be as broken as he was when she left last time. She had left so quickly, the moment she had the ability to return. Whatever she had to do this time, he knew it would not last long, and she would return to Upland yet again. She would leave him again. He did not want to believe that this would last long. He would only be that much more broken when she left.


End file.
